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April 22, 2030 Obituaries: Fossil Fuel (c. 400,000,000 BCE - 2030)

By Sydney Kovach


On April 22, 2030 our community sadly lost a beloved icon; Fossil Fuel passed away. Fossil Fuel lived a long and happy life, starting with his carefree childhood that began in 400,000,000 BCE. While growing up, Fossil Fuel transitioned from the compounds that make up plankton and fossil fuels – a process that took him hundreds of millions of years (longer than other forms of energy), then soon became the world's source for energy and spurred the growth of a modern age.


His benevolent contributions to society truly began in the early 1700s during the rise of the steam engine, which was followed by the steam turbine, and the wind turbine. Up until this week, Fossil Fuel’s influence was strong in our everyday lives; we could not picture a world without him. He selflessly exerted energy that was essential in powering modern-day transportation and electricity.


Although some warned that Fossil Fuel was getting older and was running out of energy, none of us wanted to imagine a world without him. We were so comfortable with Fossil Fuel’s influence in our community that it was too inconvenient to draw up a plan for when he would inevitably leave us. Despite Fossil Fuel’s death not being too surprising for some, it comes with great shock. It seems that the Sustainable Energy family – Hydroelectricity, Biomass, Wave, and Solar Energy in particular – plan on taking over Fossil Fuel’s responsibilities; however, since we did not create a robust transition plan, some folks are unsure what to do next. In fact, there is not the necessary infrastructure in place for the Sustainable Energy family to serve society’s needs.


Unfortunately, doctors informed Fossil Fuel’s family that he passed away from overheating. The paramedics on scene were unfortunately not attentive to Fossil Fuel’s condition, and did not notice the long-standing signs of heat stroke until it was too late. We expect Fossil Fuel’s loved ones – lobbyists, legislators, executives, governments all over the world etc. (let’s be honest, he was friends with almost everyone) – will mourn his death for years to come.



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